Life Intensifies

 Hey, y'all!
Some updates from little old me.

For one, my birthday strikes tomorrow. I'll be a solid 27.
I know. Pretty old.

Times are tricky right now. My health is still doing bad.
But I'm trying to get it under control. Have been struggling with panic attacks triggered by loud noises and chaotic scenes outside of work, so have had to excuse myself from the atmosphere.
Unfortunately at work, I really can't do such a thing with that kinda ease.
Currently attempting to get a little time off to get rest. With a terribly short staff, it has proven to be difficult.

On a side note, I went car shopping again today and one car in particular looks like it's gonna work out!
I will be hearing back from them tomorrow on whether the bank approves of the loan or not.
Fingers way crossed and prayers way appreciated.
Car is gonna drastically improve my situation in life and really boost my confidence.
Plus make me feel like an actual adult and not a piece of cargo. lol

Well, returning to the topic of my movie bucket list, I have knocked through my 120+ films like nobody's business. Photographic sampling below..



Buffy was a bonus as it's the og one I have not seen.
Saw the TV show with my siblings as a wee lass..saw a lot of things I should not have with my siblings as a wee lass, but alas. XD
Looking forward to the films this week! I have since watched a great many flicks that will be added to my collection in the near future.

On a plus side, I have begun posting on my facebook pages again and after tomorrow, will be getting back to writing. Has been stressful times and busy planning for this and that.
I am also hoping when I get a car, I'll be able to go to the comic store and do some cosplaying. ;)

Welp, I have to roll as I have work tomorrow. Quite unfortunate. lol
See y'all! God bless!

~ Sarah Demens ~

Movie Bucketlist

Welcome back!

Guess you're wondering what sorts of nonsense I'm cooking up for today.

Well, since you're in the loop of what's been going on with me these five years, you know that I have struggled to find the time, energy and heart I need to pursue my passions once again.
With a stressful work life, I am often exhausted when I get home and fall asleep pretty quickly.
I attempt to do some fun stuff, but even playing a game has proven to be a task in the past.

Well, that's changing for me.
I have literally had to force myself to get the motivation back. That means physically making my body to fight the tired, go on my laptop and get stuff done. Since 2017, I've actually constructed the concepts of some pretty good stories. Just am yet to transfer them to the written word.
Now I am.
Which is what I am hopeful in using Madness & Daydreams for as not just a journal, but also for my walk as a writer and a film maker. I have made a few attempts to start film making, but the team I was to work with bailed on the project and I wound up alone every time. I even got as far as designing the costumes myself, locating wardrobes at local thrift stores and completing the scripts.
Last attempt at beginning audio plays was also scrapped due to no one getting back to me with their recorded lines. So my heart was in it..not so much their's.
The only real thing I can actually do myself for the time being is writing.
And that's what I intend to do.

ANYWAY..
I know you're wondering when I'mma shut up and get to the point of this here post.
Point is, I have decided to construct a movie bucket list.
For films I wish to watch before I die.
The overall sum total is 121 films.
That list can easily grow, of course. I opened my Vudu app to begin putting it together, when gosh, I remembered..the library! Free viewing!
God bless.
I was so giddy, I checked all of the films I wished to borrow and marked what I could and couldn't grab. Whatever else, of course, I can just rent online. But I much prefer saving my dough, naturally.

To escape the state of chaos, noise and restlessness, I've taken to paying the library regular visits like a personal sanctuary to have a little peace and enough quiet I need to get my writing done.
It's proven successful. Not only am I relieving some tension from the chaotic atmosphere of my job, but also I'm delving back into the world of imagination I have so missed.

As surprising as this list may be to you, there are still many films I am yet to see that I just haven't gotten the chance to. But now I'm going for it!
If y'all have any suggestions, please shoot me a comment!
Y'all know how much of a movie freak I am. ♥

1. 10 Things I Hate About You
2. 13 Going On 30
3. 17 Again
4. 50 First Dates
   
5. Adventures in Babysitting
6. Adventures of Tin Tin
7. Alien Covenant
   
8. Annihilation 
9. Armageddon
10. Baby Driver
    
11. Beethoven
12. Big
    
13. Big Trouble Little China
14. Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey
15. Bill & Ted Face the Music 
16. Blade 
17. Blade Runner
18. Blade Runner 2045
19. Boondock Saints 2
20. Cast Away
    
21. Charlie's Angels
22. Clifford the Big Red Dog
23. Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind
    
24. Clueless
    
25. Cocoon
26. Copycat
    
27. Cowboys & Aliens
    
28. Cruel Intentions
29. Curious Case of Benjamin Button
    
30. Dark Shadows
31. Death on the Nile
    
32. Demolition Man
33. Despicable Me 3
    
34. Devil Wears Prada
    
35. Die Hard
36. District 9
    
37. Dog
38. A Dog's Purpose
    
39. Dredd
    
40. Dune (og)
41. Dune (remake)
42. Empire Records
    
43. Ex Machina 
44. The Fifth Element 
45. The Flintstones
    
46. Forever Young
47. Gamer
    
48. Ghost 
49. Ghost in the Shell
50. Girl Interrupted
51. Gravity
52. Hansel & Gretel 
53. Haunted Mansion
    
54. Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
55. Hollow Man
56. I Know What You Did Last Summer
    
57. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (og)
    
58. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (remake)
59. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (90s remake)
60. The Juror
61. Judge Dredd
62. Kindergarten Cop
63. La La Land
64. Last Night in Soho
    
65. Legally Blonde 
66. Life
    
67. Little Shop of Horrors
68. Lone Ranger
69. Look Who's Talking
    
70. Looper
71. Mad Max (og)
72. Mad Max Fury Road
73. Magic in the Water 
74. The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
75. Matrix Resurrection
    
76. Mean Girls
    
77. A Midsummer Night's Dream
78. Mortal Kombat (remake) 
79. Mr. & Mrs. Smith
    
80. Mrs. Doubtfire
81. Much Ado About Nothing
82. The Never Ending Story
83. Night at the Museum 3
84. Now You See Me
    
85. Pearl Harbor
    
86. Pee Wee's Big Adventure
87. Pretty Woman
    
88. Pride & Prejudice + Zombies
89. The Promise
90. PS I Love You
91. Quick Change
92. Red Riding Hood
    
93. Requiem for a Dream
    
94. Respect
    
95. RIPD
96. Robo Cop (og)
97. Robo Cop (remake)
98. Romeo + Juliet
99. Scott Pilgrim VS. The World
    
100. Scream
     
101. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
102. The Secret Window
103. Seventh Son
     
104. She's All That
105. She's The Man 
106. Shrek
     
107. Slender Man
108. Spirited Away
     
109. Sucker Punch
110. That Thing You Do
111. This Means War
112. The Time Traveler's Wife
     
113. Total Recall (og)
114. Total Recall (remake)
115. Uncle Buck
116. V for Vendetta
117. Van Helsing
     
118. A Walk to Remember
     
119. Watchmen 
120. The Water Horse
     
121. Willow

~ Sarah Demens ~

The Queen Has Returned

 Salutations, dear readers.

It is I..the one and only Character Queen.
Okay, there's probably others dubbing themselves and such, but I can assure you, my obsession is by far the most unhealthy and bizarre and expansive you'll ever done see.

Kk, if you don't remember who I am, I am an extremely weird and complicated individual who is, as Florence Welch so beautifully puts it in one of my favorite songs, "so in love with the wrong world".

Years ago, I created this blog to express my musings and quirky life and passionate love of storytelling.
Most of the time, tho, you just simply heard me rambling about random nonsense posting ridiculous photos of stuff I saw at the store.

What y'all didn't realize, whoever is reading my blog from the og times, is that I was living a secluded life in my old house. Bad health, making wrong decisions, kept from really getting out there and being who I wanted to be. It was that point in my life, 5 years ago, that I stopped posting here.
Upon getting evicted and losing my father..the cause of much of my anger and departure from my passions..I had to move in alongside my mother with my brother and his family, my mother of whom was still recovering from very poor health which left her bed bound for many months.
After moving here, I entered a state of intense depression, loneliness, abandonment, bitterness, anger, confusion and returned to a state of complete self loathing.
I felt worthless, as I had been left like I was worthless.
I went from knowing what I wanted to not knowing anything anymore.

This was the turning point that drove me away from everything that brought me happiness.
I gave up on writing, film making, blogging, my dreams, my future, everything.
I no longer had the self assurance to pursue such things anymore.
That topped with getting a job and having to provide for me and my mom as our own separate unite within my brother's place and basically having to find myself not only as an adult, but as a person in general..I was a mess these past 5 years.
Everything happened at once in 2017. Dad leaving, my mom's poor health, losing my house, then my sister moving away, it was a chaotic time. I lost so much weight and had several mental breakdowns.
My sister left me her car since she couldn't take it with her, so I had to learn to drive fast as my dad never allowed me to drive in all the time I was an adult.
In the span of a few months, I was rushing to learn how to operate an adult life..the day I got my license came and I applied to the job I still work at to this day.
However..that same day, I got lost, had a panic attack, and in my already shaken up stage, I wound up getting into an accident. A totaled car and a long painful process that comes from an accident, I was feeling even more like a failure. Thus entered the time I had to get rides to basically everywhere.
Making me feel like cargo being passed around.

Beginning work was intimidating, as the only job I had prior was with my sister and her business.
But since she was gone, I had to find a way to make money.
And a way to find myself in the process.
I barely ever had the chance to interact with others my age. My social awkwardness was strong and from that, I felt equivalent to a child on their first day of school. I had scarcely ever been away from my mom, as she had always protected me and had me right by her side. Now I was alone and terrified.
I didn't really know how to interact with others. I didn't know how to handle myself and what I was feeling. Confusion and denial ran deep in my head and I just wished this would all end and I would wake up from this nightmare.

For so long, I had presented myself as if everything was fine.
What people would normally see from me was how much I loved fandoms and writing.
That's because from the time I was a wee lass, the realm of imagination was my escape from my reality. My comfort zone. A life full of homelessness, untrusting people and a volatile man who terrifies you, you rely on such things to remove you from this world and promise you that things can get better.
And that YOU are important.

Believe me, there is so much more I can go on about.
So much more growth I have experienced.
And oh so much trauma and regret that I have had to live with.
It's very strange to have to backtrack and explain the origins of things you've lived with and become part of for so long that it's hard to remember the time those things or people were not in your life.

I will close this first post out with the acknowledgment of such souls who have changed my life for the better these five years..

Mom..
Dear sweet lass..she has been my number one human support system since day one.
As wretched as that little woman can be, I love her to death. We're too much alike, her and I, but we're with each other to the end of the line. Her battle with her health and my decision to support her as opposed to my dad only drew us closer. I am still fighting to provide her and I with the home we both have wanted for so long. And I know, some day, we're gonna get it.
She has gotten much more improved in her health since 2017 and has greater energy.
Slowly, she's getting to the point she wishes to be. Healed and thriving.
I'm not giving up on that day and certainly not giving up fighting to make her life better.
She deserves the world.

Hannah..
A beautiful and compassionate woman whom I have known since she was but a child.
We have never officially met in person, but our many years as long distance besties and our moments of true trust and support makes us just as important as any physical friendship.
We have been through so much together, even recently with very hard decisions and losses, and my love and admiration for this girl only gets stronger. She has been through hell and still keeps fighting.
We are kindred broken spirits and even though we can't talk all the time due to our busy work schedules, we are still there for eachother as much as we can. I'll adore her forever and never stop being proud of the amazing woman she's grown to become.

Zack..
A truly incredible soul I met shortly after I started working.
A true geek and rather awkward fellow, but every ounce the kindest and most trusting dude to have as your best friend. We became two peas in a pod, him and me. Like the little brother I never got to have.
We have had many wonderful adventures, going to the movies, parks, comic stores, cosplaying, gaming, basic bestie stuff. And he has been there for me in so many meaningful ways. I never would have gotten as far as I have if not for his generosity. He has earned my trust and my respect and I can't thank him enough. How refreshing it is to have someone to vent all your troubles to after suffering so long in silence, I can't even describe. But he's always there when you need him and will never shy away from precious brother hugs. He's also the actual Shaggy Rogers, so big bonus points to me, I'm besties with Shaggy Rogers, y'all.

Amanda..
Oh, what a gal..feisty, blunt and ridiculously feminine..Amanda has quickly become a dear and wonderful friend to me in the last two years. Since Zack's departure from my job, Amanda offered to give me rides to and from work and God bless her, how she has helped me in my time of need.
We're complete opposites, but our playful banter and teasing always brings smiles to both our faces and our endless talks and her outrageously honest opinions about everyone under the sun has helped shape me in more ways than I have realized. I'll never forget her kindness in helping me when no one else would. Even if I get a little queasy from our constant Taco Bell trips.

Vedant..
Where to even begin? I met Vedant a very long time ago, actually. Around the time things changed for me. He and I have been good friends since then, turning into close friends, and now?
I can't imagine my life without this boy. He has saved me in so many ways and supported me when I've been at my lowest. Hailing from India, he has served as pretty much my only foreign friend, but the things I have learned from his culture has really opened my eyes about different cultures in general and it's fascinating. He has an incredible soul, a charming personality and a witty humorous side that makes it difficult to be mad at. Vedant has a unique-to-me method in your hard times of listening, offering advice or simple support..and then doing his best to find ways to make you smile or laugh.
And it works every time. Since we've grown closer, we talk pretty much every single day, with no exaggeration. His crummy health has been home bound, but in a way it's been to my advantage he's always home, as I never would have gotten to know this beautiful person I've been blessed to meet.

Molly..
I close this with rather devastating news to any of my previous readers..
My dear canine of nearly 14 years, Molly, passed away last August.
She was the first death I've had to deal with head on.
Her passing was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with, shy of 2017's events.
I had her as a pre teen, to my teens, to my adulthood.
She was my greatest support system, my comfort, my buddy, my baby.
Excited every time I came home, never not acting like a tiny puppy.
You would never know this dog was actually an old lady, battling cancer.
I loved this dog as more than just a dog, though. As someone with no children, she was my child.
When I was sad or lonely, she was my companion. She would lick my tears away, cuddle with me on cold or cozy nights, and play with me with the energy of a toddler.
It was in her final days, when her body was giving way to her cancer, that I knew I was losing my greatest little friend. We had endured so many things together that I knew, when she fell greatly sick and laid in my arms and I looked into her eyes..she was leaving me.
The day I lost her was hell to endure. I did everything I could to keep her alive and eating and strong.
But there was nothing I could do. She had succumbed to her pain.
I woke up the next morning for work and went to check on her..and she was gone.
I've never cried so hard in my life.
It left a hole in my life that I'll never be able to truly fill as Molly meant the world to me.
I remember the dream I once had of her and my mother and the fear of losing the two as a force tried to suck them in from outside and I desperately held on to them, my grip weakening..and it still haunts me.
Now my mother alone is what I live for and the most important thing in my life.

I will always love and cherish all of the people and things that have gotten me this far.
You have helped me grow in more ways than you know not just as a writer, a Christian, but as a person.
It was gotten me closer to God, closer to happiness, closer to honor, closer to loyalty, closer to the life I strive to have. To all reading this...this is Madness & Daydreams.
I have come from a long and painful road. But my journey is just beginning.
And I wish to share it with all of you.

My word, it's been awhile...

 

Okay..wow.

I feel terrible. The last you heard of me, it was my birthday and I got amazing presents.

Well....that was one of the last good times I had, really, before things took a turn for the worst. I won't go into a ton of detail, but basically, since you heard from me, I've lost a lot.

Someone very close to me betrayed me and well, this caused things to fall apart.

I was evicted from my home in July after struggling financially to keep my head afloat.

I will note that this wasn't my or my mother's faults. We tried everything we could to keep the house and keep ourselves fed, but it was rather pointless.

Me having no job to support us, our days in our home were numbered.

So, basically everything has fallen on my shoulders. I'm to provide for my mother and try to get us a home. I've been struggling for almost 2 months to find a full time, good paying job and at long last, I was hired today. It was a tremendous God-send.

We're staying with family until God opens the door for another home. 

I couldn't be more relieved to finally find work. I have a lot of debts to repay to the ones who've supported us this year. I have storage and groceries and other necessities, all of which have been weighing heavy on my steady piling financial predicament. 

2017 has not been kind, which I was really hoping it would, since 2016 was horrible.

But surprisingly, 2017 has been the worst year of my life.

Not to be dramatic. But, really, it has.

Me, a childish loon, has been completely thrown into the world of adulthood.

I've been forced to juggle everything at once. Trying to find a job, a home, learning to drive, on top of the entire eviction scene earlier this year, not to mention the betrayal I spoke of. 

Well..yeah. It's been enormously hard on me. I've felt an overwhelming need to take care of mom and me and it has put tremendous stress on me. 

I have struggled with depression, anger, panic attacks, sickness, sudden emotional breaks..I've been a disaster and I'm not at all proud of it. 

Just as I got things under control and applied for what is now the job I'm starting, the first day I passed my driver's license, I got into my very first car accident.

At least..that I remember. Being behind the wheel. 

The car my sister left me was totaled. The very thing I needed to get around alone. 

It was meant to be mine, but, well..that plan was ruined. 

I'll eventually have to get another one once I save the money..

But I was a definite mess that week. I felt like a complete failure, and that God did not love me. Keeping my faith has been terribly hard. It's hard to keep calm, keep your faith strong, keep your chin up, when everything falls apart. 

Everything happening in the world hasn't helped. 

It's as if everything hates everyone this year. So many deaths, so much hate, so much division. It sucks. I mean, a week after my accident, my bird died. Then Molly had brief problems. That just proves it.

 I'm no stranger to hard times, but it's just that I thought I put that behind me, you know? 

Everything was fine and then..it all changed. 

But naturally, I've come to you a stronger person. 

I've learned, I've grown, I'm ready for God's plans. 

I'm out've my series of emotional breakdowns and stress attacks.

I'm walking in complete faith in God and looking forward to what he has planned for me. 

He's protected me in so many ways. Me walking from the accident without even a headache.

The other person, of course, was also fine. Or else I'd probably feel guilty forever.

I know, I'm sounding serious and adultlike, but no. 

I'm just getting deep, is all. I'm still me. I've returned to my happy, childlike self.

It happens more prominently when I surround myself with my stories and fandoms. 

My friends have been incredible. My family just as much. 

I'm in high hopes 2018 will be different. Good things will actually have their turn.

That's all I really have time to tell right now...but I ask that you will pray for me, my mom, and our situation. We need a home of our own again. We need money to help me get by these coming weeks until I can get paid. We need protection, a car, healing, food, peace and happiness. Please pray we maintain or gain these things. 

Today was a good day. I've learned to appreciate those even more.

These experiences have taught me much. And I'm quite determined now to get myself in a position where my family can be taken care of. That I will succeed. I will become something.

And I'll be able to give back to others. I'll be able to help those struggling. 

I would love nothing more than to aid those in need and tell them straight up..

I've been where you're at. I want people to hope. Never stop believing.

That is the most powerful thing in a time of crisis. It's what keeps us going.

I love you all. God bless. (:  

~ Sarah Demens ~

Birthday Nonsense

  

 As promised, here are the pictures from yesterday. (: Above is the balloon my parents sneakily acquired for me. XD

 

This here would be the delightful dessert we had after pizza. 

My wild cherry Pepsi, fudge Brownies and mint Oreo icecream. 

Topped with the sour cream and onion chips, plus Oreos, I had a massive sugar coma by the end of the night.

 

After quite awhile of my friends pestering me to listen to TØP, I finally did.

Even though I don't really care for their earlier albums' songs, this one is pure glory. I was already obsessing over HeavyDirtySoul and Stressed Out prior to getting the CD, now I'm freaking out over how good Fairly Local, Ride and Not Today are. If you don't like TØP's earlier stuff, I highly suggest giving this album a try. Cuz I was super impressed.

 

Ok, so I'm a sucker for Scooby-Doo and old Disney movies.

As well as old monster films. If you didn't know already, I am indeed a huge monster fan. ;) But yeah, I grew up watching the Abbott & Costello Frankenstein movie, so when I saw the 4 movie pack with the other monster films, I had to do the thing. I also now have all the original Scooby-Doo seasons. :D

 

Oh yes. It happened. I got my first ocarina. I'm not a very musical person at all. I tried music and it just wasn't for me. But c'mon. It's an ocarina. It's my moral obligation as the Character Queen to acquire this thing. Plus I got the Twilight Princess Manga that I have been waiting for ever since I found out about the mangas as a goofy 14 yr old. XD

I can't wait to start it!!!

 

Again.  Scooby-Doo.  And you must know now, I have developed a massive obsession for Funko Pop figures, that stemmed sometime 3-4 years ago.

I now have over 70. :')  I also have all the Scooby Funkos now, so I'm quite pleased.

 

Because Powerpuff Girls. 

 

I can't tell you how giddy I was to find out they made a Lara Croft funko.

I mean, it's not like she's one of my favorite female characters of all time or anything.

 

Don't get the wrong impression, I'm not into dolls. But I saw Mulan last year and had to get her, and then I saw Merida, and they're my two Disney homegirls, so it's more for the sake of getting Mulan and Merida stuff. 

 All that aside, they did a really good job making these dolls, yo.

 

And here we have my ocarina out of the box! I'm hoping to learn it successfully so I can master the Zelda songs. ❤

 

These are basically for the cute factor, cuz my batbabeh was precious. 😍

 

And finally, here's a sketchy me showing off my now two children. 

I'm actually really excited to be having two, cuz it's really gonna benefit for me in a lot of ways. I can also split apps and purposes now for the sake of memory. And also switch to the other when one's battery is low and needs to be charged, which has been really useful so far.

Funny thing is, I was super shocked and heartbroken that Cosmo was dropped. I thought I lost him forever, until I managed to get it to behave and stop glitching..but I had already been wanting to get another tablet in secret, so this honestly couldn't have worked out better. Life certainly does work in mysterious ways. XD 

So yeah, dem's my presents! My brother and sister in law got me an Amazon card, so I ordered the Kingdom Hearts Funkos and Sherlock S4, which I haven't seen yet, SO I'M SO EXCITED.

 

 Then this weekend will be Free Comic Book Day. 

So my sister and I are to cruise around together and do stuff.

I am taking the liberty of going as myself since I actually am a character. Which I am also excited about. 😁

So yeah. That's it for now, folks! 

Now I gotta work on editing the last of the VC market arc, then take a much needed break to enjoy the good life. B|

And with that, I bid you farewell, lovelies!! God bless!!

~ Sarah Demens

Hello, world :)

I know, you're probably wondering what in the actual. Where the hay have I been? See, I've been meaning to post, to explain that I needed some time off. I was struggling for awhile with a lot of things and got super busy that I just didn't have the time to blog. But I'm a lot better now and am trying to get a schedule set for certain things.

So yeah, my birthday was yesterday! It was a truly amazing day and I got so many fabulous presents. ^_^
Awhile back, I accidentally dropped my tablet and it caused it to crack on the inside. I managed to get it to behave, but still, didn't want to take the chance, so my parents got me a new one for my birthday (that I'm currently using) and it's awesome! I saw that they finally released a Blogger app while searching for new apps to try, so that's why I decided to update you guys. It will honestly make my job easier, since working on Blogger on the Internet app can be a bear. XD

Anyway, I'll try to post the pics I have here in a bit! I just wanted to update you and tell you that I'm back. :D Hopefully this app will make it easier to post!
~ Sarah Demens

Hello, lovelies!

It's been an uber busy time for me lately.

I've been meaning to post here again and again, but my laptop is ridiculous and I keep forgetting to do it here. I'll post those pictures, darn it, but ugh. XD 

I need a new computer.

So yessssss, I hope everyone is doing well!

I'm currently working on VC, trying to finish this stupid arc and get to chapter 13 already. :P

I've been doing the story since 2014, so it's time to get to the teens with these chapters, darn it.

I've already gotten 10 pages written and edited for chapter 10 so far. So I'm gonna work on more tonight. Speaking of VC, though, my friends/fans are absolute monsters. ;P They keep recruiting others to read it and yovu8vvc8fi, I want no more fans, YARGH. Tbh, I just don't want any more attention given to it, cuz it's proven to be a story that you either love or hate, and it truly breaks my heart when people hate it. I wanted it to be a fun thing for fans to read, but..eh. When it got somewhat harsh feedback from some people, I pretty much lost the heart in trying to throw it out there for everyone to read. :/ So yeah.

VC and my presents is just about the only thing going on in my life atm. It's a little over 3 months until my birthday. ^^ It's so weird being 21, yo. It's gonna be even weirder being 22. I don't know what to expect. I just know I'm gonna get awesome presents, yvg8yg

I also really wanna work on reading again, as well as begin writing my Beauty & the Beast. It's time. ;)

Urg, yeah. That's about it. I know, I'm exciting.

It happens. Love you guys and God bless!!

A million apologies, everyone!
I was going to post Christmas weekend, but I was exceedingly busy and I also came down with a cold that I'm just now getting over.
So I haven't had the chance to get on the computer.

However, I have been using my time away to work on my story, and managed to finish the 9th chapter last night! So whilst editing it to post it to the story blog, I'll be sure to upload the pics I took of my presents and make a Christmas post for you all.

Anyway, things are going well besides all that. I'm currently watching the Hobbit trilogy with my parents to celebrate New Years, and also working on Chapter 10. 😄

So yes. I bid you farewell for now. I hope you had an amazing Christmas and New Years, and you have a fantastic week to come!
God bless!

On the upteenth day of Christmas, my conscious said to me..

Ay-o, everybody. :)

I know, I know, it's been forever since I've posted and I'm truly sorry.
I really wanted to update this blog regularly, but something a bit terrible came up.
That is, my depression.

For me, December is literally the best time ever for me.
Christmas brings me am overwhelming amount of joy and I always get so excited to the point of acting like a little kid. But this year has truly been one of the worst.
It's challenged me in all forms and it's hit me hard personally and non-personally.
I won't go into details, now or any other time, but it was quite frankly a very horrible time for me.
And therefore, I lost the spirit to do just about anything.
That includes blogging, writing, Christmas, having fun..

But there is a happy ending to this story.
About two weeks ago, roughly, I stopped kicking myself and feeling horrible and crying and I got myself back up again after some heavy prayer and talks with God.
I realized that I shouldn't let the bad times get me down.
I was letting depression win.
So I fought back and I've been feeling great ever since.
Now the only real stress I'm feeling is the one you get when preparing for Christmas in the very last days until. XD

While I wish some things could change or be fixed, I've done all I can from my end and it's now upto the other side of these problems on whether things should be fixed or not.
All I know is, I'm done with trying to work things out and taking the blame for everything, you know?
I'm not a perfect individual. I never said I was.
And I do feel pain and struggle with things just as much as the next person.
I just hate showing it to people.

Thankfully, I've had amazing parents and amazing friends to help me get through it.
Seriously, my friends have been incredible.
They've supported me and kept me laughing and really helped get me to this point.
I'm so blessed to have them. :)

Anyyyyyywwwaayyyyy, I'm gonna be excruciatingly busy the next couple of days, as I've been busy this whole week, so I may not post again until Sunday or Saturday night.
I'll have lots to post, believe me. XD I just hope I can find the time!

So yes, thank you for the support you've given the blog.
I'd appreciate continued prayers for me, my family, my friends, and for everything to go good this weekend. And ya know, for what is left of my sanity. ;D
I love you all! God bless!

A break comes to an end..

Hello, lovelies. :)
Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I meant to, but I had to go to bed relatively early, cuz I had a killer headache I just couldn't shake, no matter how many bottles of water I drank.
So I decided to just sleep it away. On the plus side, I had a little over 8 hours cuz of this, so I'm feeling pretty good. ^_^

It's been a busy day today. I raked the lawn and flower beds of leaves for my ma, then helped her rearrange the living room to prepare for our Christmas tree. 8D
We're getting our's at the beginning of December. Picking a tree is always a pretty exciting part of the month, so naturally, I'm pretty excited. ;)

10:30 tonight is honestly the only chance I've had to chill in my room for the first time today.
That's how busy it's been. ;_;
And I just finished language-checking Dark Knight Rises for Movie Night tomorrow.
So after posting this, I'll get to lay in bed and watch Twilight Zone to my heart's content, and hopefully try to tackle some writing, since my inspiration has been refreshed during my break from facebook this week. :D

Speaking of my break, it ends tonight, and I'll be returning tomorrow morning.
I'm sure my little rascals have missed me. XD All heck breaks loose whenever I leave them. lol...

So yeah, I basically just want to update you. I went out again yesterday, but no new things to report. Twas only grocery shopping. And whatever stuff I did see, I will not be getting at this time or ever. -_-
Maybe I'll share the pictures later, I'm just too lazy to do so at the moment.

I'm excited about Movie Night and coming back to FB tomorrow. :)
I have quite a bit of things to do before December comes. I only hope I'll be able to finish it all on time. D: Wish me luck!
Also, hope you guys like my Christmas playlist! I added it in just today, but basically only put some of my top favorite songs. There'll be more to come, dears, I promise.
Enjoy it. =3

Love you all so much and hope you have a good night/Sunday.
I'll try to post when I can!
God bless,

Turkey Day, gobble gobble

Hello, lovelies!
Tis entering the evening here, and I'm currently trying to get some things accomplished before my sister in law and Auntlings come over (ahem, niece and nephews) for a visit.
My sister and brother in law came over this morning for the main Thanksgiving meal, then we played UNO. ;P
Still trying to get through the day, cuz Thanksgiving still sucks. But hey. Whatta ya gonna do?
Can't make time go any faster.

Anyways, I have some plans for this coming Christmas.
For one, I'm gonna be trying out a thing I saw online where you wrap up books for your kids to read and open one up for each night throughout December.
Uhhhh, except I'm wrapping up my favorite Christmas movies instead and opening them on video for my friends to watch.



Another thing I'm doing starting December 1st is make up cards (which I already have) for each of the peeps that have been there for me this year and have taught me so much.
They seriously mean the world to me. So I put a message for each one, telling them so, and will be reading three cards a night to them on video. :)
I can't show you the cards, cuz they kinda have their last names, and uh, the covers are kind've a surprise for them. XD
So there's that.

I can show you a thing, however, such as a mask I painted a couple of weeks back.



Er, particularly the one on the left.
The one on the right is what I did last year...
As I said to my friends, idk if this is merely a shift in my creativity or a statement of my current mental state. In all honesty, my "Joker" penguin..a product of my paint bleeding onto the front side when I painted the back..did all my friends a major frighten.
._.
Totally not my intention....

Then, of course, I have my postcards to mail out at the beginning of the month.
As soon as I get more money and buy stamps (the Charlie Brown ones, of course), I'm gonna send 'em out. :D



Next are two little things I've gotten into this year..

The first being Twilight Zone. A magnificent TV show from the elden days.
I always heard about it, but I never watched it. Then they had a New Years marathon for it on Syfy and I wound up becoming obsessed.
So yeah, I kinda ordered the DVDs periodically, and I have had them all for months now, and I love this show so much. I'm running through them again on my break from FB. ^_^
If you haven't watched it, I highly recommend it. It's fantastic.

The other thing to be keeping me occupied atm is A Series of Unfortunate Events.
I got into it this year, as well, cuz of my sheer curiosity after owning the movie for so long.
I'm only going into the 5th book soon, but it's amazing so far, so much that I've been collecting the books all year and now only have one left til I own the whole series. =D
Also a pretty good series, so I recommend it, as well.



As soon as my break ends this Sunday, I'm gonna be back to livestreaming a movie night with my friends. It'll be our third one now, the movie series in particular being the Dark Knight Trilogy (FAVORITE MOVIE SERIES EVER). I gots me some popcorn last night, cuz reasons.
So I'm all set for the fun. B)

Besides all that, I'm gearing up for writing again.
I miss it like mad, after being so busy with the cards and junk.
It's really gonna help me to escape from the mess going on everywhere after I return to facebook.
In fact, I'm not really gonna be doing a full-on return to where I spend hours on there like I was.
I'd like to set out some time to chill and do simple activities that make me happy.
There's so much drama and so many conflicting opinions floating about on the internet, especially social media. It was seriously making me feel nauseated.
Life is heaps simpler when you're a kid and don't have to worry about people's screwed up beliefs and opinions, thinking they're somehow better than you.
It sure irritates when people come down on you just because you like something they don't.
ugh..

Anyhow, yeah, I miss writing. So I'm actually gonna try to tackle that tonight.
I might make a new post cuz of it, just to show you how I get into my comfort zone. ;)

So yeah, I'm done being weird for now.
I love you guys tremendously and hope you had a fantastic day!
God bless. :)

Shopping with the Queen, gobble gobble

Hello, lovelies!
Welcome to the continued posting of this little nut, sitting here blogging when she should be getting ready for bed. Thanksgiving and all, but meh.
Thankfully, I have most of everything done, considering my ma and I spent the night cleaning the house to near perfection. All that's really left is the cooking of the turkey.
*gag*
Okay, yes. I don't much care for Thanksgiving. It's been a gradual thing for years now, me not liking it. I just think it's pointless and merely there to be in the way of Christmas.
I'm not very adventurous when it comes to food, so I don't care for pies, dressings, weird sauces, beverages, creams, puddings, bleh bleh bleh. I don't even care much for cake, but I'll leave that alone for another time. I'm also not much of a bird person (unless it's Arby's or Chick Fil A or cold sliced turkey you get for sandwiches), so the fact that I'm stuck with turkey for too many days makes me sad. Give me pizza and I will eat it for the rest of my life.

Anyhow, a miracle kind've happened for us this week.
God has provided for us a tremendous amount and we were able to go and do a lot of Christmas shopping today. Can not tell you how excited I was to get shopping done for my fam. ;P
Now I can go crazy next paycheck and buy all de Christmas things my eyes see.

Oh yes, speaking of Christmas stuff.
Lemme introduce you to a little thing called "Shopping with the Queen".
Where I come out and show you all the pics I take from a trip to the store/stores, of things that me eyes fancy. Yesh yesh, this way, mortals..




*hisses at blinky laser lights*

It's important to note that Cosmo, my tablet, who is very precious to me, takes much better pictures outside than he does at home. Which is why I'm in desperate need of a camera to replace the one that malfunctioned on me last year, leading me to getting a new camera of some kind (which also led to me getting something to go on the internet with, har har).
So just letting you know ahead of the time, of my unfortunate predicament.

I also must say that I'm pretty impressed with the way some stores are dazzling up this Christmas..while others, ahem, are lacking in the worst way.
I walked out of a couple of stores today utterly disappointed in what I saw.
It's sad how little an effort they made to make things pretty and special like they did last year. ;_;
Idk why they don't just rehash the same designs that worked. Sigh.









On a side note, I can't wait to get a tree!! Omg, another reason I need Thanksgiving just to be over, cuz I need dat Christmas and it's wonderfulness to come. XD
I'll be a gazillion times happier when it comes around and wipes away this year's crummy residue.
I grow bored of 2016.



Those are some big freakin' ornaments. ._.

Over at another store, I came across a plenty of Penguin things to make me go nuts.
If you know me, you'll know I have had a near life-long obsession with Penguins, and I can't explain why. All I know is I've claimed myself as one.

Bath n Body Works in particular has done a gorgeous job with their decorating this year.
They've sparkled up their Christmas merchandise and it's stunning.
I'm not a girly girl, but I do get a bit mesmerized by shiny things. 8P

Any fool can see how gorgeous they did the thing this year.
Seriously want that Vanilla Bean Noel, btw... *sobs*

Next came the bookstore, which I walked out of, empty-handed. But hey.

need it

 

I naturally couldn't resist snapping pics of the lovely nerdy things, considering I am their Queen and all. *snickers*

Here, have the remaining pics.


stickers

A box my mom got for my nephew, dkqjkkwh


Finally, a penguin...with reindeer antlers.....that is me.

A funny thing happened at B&BW, btw.
The two women working the counters were both extremely gorgeous, it wasn't even funny.
So after one complimented me on my penguin earmuffs (...don't judge me), I took that moment to tell them both that they were very beautiful and looked like models. XD
They gasped so loud and were grinning so wide, it really made me feel like I accomplished something.
IDK about you, but making people smile or laugh has always been a goal of mine.
Something I love doing and strive to do as much as I can.
I guess it's the entertainer in me, but I really do love to make people smile and laugh. 

Happy, in other words.
I have a tendency to feel like a failure if this is not accomplished and winds up playing out as the opposite. And I really beat myself up for it.
Which is silly, of course, given that many people are so horrible and will be mean solely to be mean...

But yeah. Today was an interesting enough day.
Very busy, but I at least got stuff done and got things I've been wanting for quite awhile.

God really blessed us in more ways than I could ask for.

Stressing so much about how he's going to provide and getting angry at him for not doing something when we want him to just makes me wanna kick my own tail.
It's rubbish.
God has a timing for everything. He has a plan for everything.
No matter what happens in this life, he's going to take care of you.
Be it on Earth or in Heaven.
You just have to trust in him. Sure, not everything's gonna work out.

Life is never exactly how we plan it. But there's no sense in whining about it.
Stand up, dust yourself off, roll with the obstacles, keep your chin held high, and endure.
If one door closes, another will open.
No sense in trying to break into the door that can not be unlocked.
And no sense on beating on it, either.

It's okay to get upset, throw a tantrum, cry, whatever.
You're human and nothing else can be expected from it.
But you must learn to adapt and accept what comes.
Or you'll always live your life in stress and bitterness.

Now that I've said all that, I must away to bed.
Another busy day tomorrow, being Thanksgiving and all. Sigh.

Wish me luck as I try to manage through it. 8P
As soon as midnight of November 25 strikes, I'm blasting that Christmas music. XDDDD



Until the next post, have a great day, loves. Stay safe, gorge yourselves, and God bless.